Wine of the Needy
by greekarachnid
Summary: Bob hosts a wine tasting event in the restaurant and Tina gets a new religion centric teacher.


Season 10 Episode 1

SCENE ONE: BOBS BURGER PLACE

Bob: Okay kids your mother and I are having some people over tonight for a wine tasting event, we think it will drum up some business.

Gene: I can drum up some business!

*Gene slaps his stomach in a rhythmic fashion*

Bob: St- Stop it Gene this is serious.

Gene: Seriously bad acoustics in here - am I right?!

Bob: No- Gene… I posted an event online for a wine tasting and if this becomes a regular thing we can clean the windows and maybe passersbys will notice how popular we are.

Tina: Dad, changing to be popular just doesn't sit right with me.

Bob: Nothing sits right with you Tina.

Gene: I think shes got a broken butt.

Bob: When you're done with your jokes Gene I need your help cleaning the place. I paid Louise to distract your mother for the day.

Tina: Why does mom need distracting?

Bob: Because I don't want her at this first wine event. It has to go perfect. I don't want her drinking all the wine and throwing up before the third serving.

Gene: Well I'm off to school, have fun with your Alcoholics Not-Anonymous meeting tonight.

Tina: My dad's an alcoholic?

Bob: No Tina - just - I'll drive you guys to school now.

Tina: I don't feel comfortable being in the car with you right now - what if you've been drinking.

Bob: It's eight in the morning, I haven't even had breakfast.

Gene: Thats no way to start off a morning.

Bob: Come on - guys - get in the car.

Tina: Uhhhhhhhhhhghghhhhhh.

SCENE TWO: TINAS CLASS

Teacher: Well the school board said I can't teach anything about God but what would our future members of society be without some good old religion. I have placed a bible under all of your desks and you can read it for the next hour and hide it if you see someone coming near the door. If anyone asks we just learned how Columbus discovered Asia.

Tammy: But didn't Columbus, like, discover America?

Teacher: No Tammy that was God.

Tammy: Ohhhhh.

Teacher: Now I'm going to warn you - the first lesson is a little dark. We are going to be talking in depth about satanic rituals, what you need for them, how to do them, and how you should never ever do them.

Tina: Uhhhhhhhhhhghhhhhhhh.

SCENE THREE: MALL

Linda: Where are you getting all this money for shopping young lady?

Louise: Hey mom want to get your nails done?

Linda: Ouuu! I love getting my nails done!

Louise: Oh, ha, I know.

SCENE FOUR: SCHOOL HALLWAY

Tammy: Oh hi Tina.

Tina: Oh hi Tammy.

Tammy: What a crazy lesson today huh?

Tina: Yeah I stole a bible because said if we don't read it before bed we might get possessed.

Tammy: Hey you remember what he said about that satanic ritu-sacri-whatever he was talking about?

Tina: Yeah that was really scary.

Tammy: Yeah, that. You should do that with me tonight.

Tina: I don't think thats such a-

Tammy: Okay I'll be over at eight tonight.

Tina: But Tammy-

Tammy: I cannot wait until Cody HAS to notice me.

Tina: But-

Tammy: You know if you keep talking about butts people are going to think you're weird or something.

Tina: But-

Tammy: See you at eight freak.

*Tammy walks away*

SCENE FIVE: BOBS BURGER PLACE

Bob: Okay kids I'm going to need you - and this girl that I've never seen before - to all go upstairs. This wine I've set out has to get old, or something. The event is scheduled to start in fifteen minutes and so far no one has been fashionably early.

Gene: I am fashionably present!

Bob: You are just a machine of one-liners today aren't you Gene?

Gene (mumbles to himself and Tina): It's all these old timers can understand.

Bob: I heard that now upstairs - all of you.

*Tina, Gene, and Tammy all head upstairs*

*Three people enter the restaurant: A couple and their son*

Bob: Hey guys, are you here for the wine tasting event?

Man: Yeah, we brought our son along, but he can just play in the bathroom or something.

Woman: It is so hard to find a babysitter last minute.

Son: I'm sixteen, why do I need a babysitter?

Man: I don't want you having people over, doing god knows what.

Son: Like drinking?

Man: That's right.

Son: That'd be awful.

Man: That's right.

Woman: So- wheres the alc- I mean wine?

Bob: It's right here on the-

*Woman grabs the bottle and pops it open*

Bob: Oh I forgot the glasses.

Woman: Oh no thats fine.

*Woman starts drinking from the bottle excessively*

Man: Hey- are you going to leave some for me?

Bob: Theres more bottles on the table in the back.

*Man rushes out of his seat towards the bottles.*

*Gene enters the room and witnesses the couple both chugging wine*

Gene: When you're done with this alcoholics group thing can you take me and mom to the movies- theres this new romantic sci-fi religion film I want to see… A Cross the Universe.

Bob: Your mother is at the mall with Louise.

Gene: No shes not.

Bob: Yes she is.

Gene: No shes not.

Bob: Yes sh-

*Linda opens the door with Louise grasping on to her leg*

Linda: Hey Bobby, I- Bobby?

Bob: Linda.

Linda: Why are there people chugging wine in our diner?

Bob: Well, I was-

Louise: Oh no mom- you weren't supposed to get home so fast. This is a surprise party for you.

Linda: A surprise party….for meeeeee?!

*Linda's face lights up*

SCENE SIX: UPSTAIRS

Tammy: Okay we need some virgin blood or something.

Tina: I think my mom makes that.

Tammy: What?

Tina: Yeah a bloody mary.

Tammy: Tina I think your mom is in a, like, cult or something.

Tina: Yeah they meet every week and knit downstairs, their harmless, but their gossip on the other hand, deadly.

Tammy: I need you to steal some of that wine from downstairs.

Tina: Uhhhhhhhhhhgh.

Tammy: It's the closest thing to blood we are going to get.

Tina: Why do you want to do this ritual again?

Tammy: I am making Satan make Cody fall in love with me, duh.

Tina: Oh, ya, duh.

Tammy: Now hurry up before Cody goes to his girlfriend Angela's house.

SCENE SEVEN: BOBS BURGER PLACE

*Tina sneaks in the room stealthily*

*Tina falls over nothing*

Bob: Tina what are you doing downstairs?

Tina: I - I forgot something.

Bob: Well, what did you forget?

Tina: Something.

Bob: And what is that something?

Woman: WHERES SOME MORE OF WINE?

Bob: In the fridge but I think it's time we end this get together.

*Tina runs to kitchen and grabs wine*

Woman: Are you cutting me off? Char- CHARLES- Stand up for me!

Man: Honey iss okay just relax.

Son: Oh my god.

SCENE EIGHT: UPSTAIRS

Tammy: Okay so we have the virgin blood all we need now is a picture of Cody WHICH I just so happen to have in my pocket.

*Tammy pulls out picture of Cody and splashes wine against it*

*Wine gets all over floor*

*Linda walks in*

Linda: What is going on hereeeeeee? Tina?!

Tina: Mom it's okay we are just giving some virgin blood to the devil so Tammy can finally have Cody fall in love with her.

Linda: BOBBBBBBBBBBBB

SCENE NINE: UPSTAIRS

*Tina cleaning the floor*

Linda: I hope you've learned your lesson missy.

Tina: Holy Spirit not Cody Dahearit

Linda: Thats right! And Bobbbbbb what did you learn today?

Bob: How much it costs to pay for a family's thirty minute cab ride home.

Linda: Anddddddddddd?

Bob: Not to exclude you from anything.

Linda: Anddddddddddd?

Bob: Thats literally all.

Linda: Oh. Yeah. That's right.

Bob: That couple from last night was pretty wild huh.

Linda: Did they buy any food?

Bob: No.

Gene: Wine and dine! Without the dine.

*CREDITS*


End file.
